the river piedra

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the water of this river - leaves, insects, the feathers of birds - is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time - or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments?


That is why I write -- to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance.

So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. Only then - in the words of one of the saints - will the water extinguish what the flames have written."

-words from a book by Paulo Coelho,

my favorite author

Now, my story...

There I was.
Lamenting in my own River Piedra

Mourning for the transformation

of love into loss,

of hope into aridity,

of magic into illusion,

and of tears into stone.

"All love stories are the same."

I, too, have written my tale.
I, too, have let my tears run me dry.

Let the poignant remnants of reminiscences be carried away by the current.
Let the water cleanse me of the hurt, pain and regret.

For by the River Piedra,

Solitude is my salvation.

Truth is my comfort.

Tranquility is my peace...

By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept.

Heavy with ambition, lofty dreams, and the pounds I packed for the past 15 years, I fumbled through my first year of being a doctor. The routines of being a student have been stripped of my system, in the sense that I have ceased to enjoy the privilege and security of waking up in the morning knowing exactly where I will be for that day and the next. I am not denying though, that the profession I have chosen automatically guarantees a permanent status of “student.” I am sure that doctors all over the world will agree that this is what in fact Medicine is – a life-long acquisition of knowledge. In other words, once a person becomes a doctor, he remains a student of Life for life. I remember an old mentor who morbidly told us during brain-cutting that a doctor who stops studying is as good as dead. I must be sounding like someone condemned. Once I passed the licensure examination, there came the uncertainty. The next stage and the next step to my career as a health professional lay before me like a dark, barren crossroad without warning signs, stoplights, or even street lamps. What to do next would have been easy for others who are fortunate to have already known which direction to take even before reaching this same juncture. But for me and a few others who have varied interests, sensibilities, and priorities, it is more difficult. Compounding the situation is this dreadful factoid of my so-called life: I may have proven my worth in the class room setting but with regard to the intricacies of the real world, I feel naïve, inexperienced and, to tell you the truth, retarded. The world outside the sheltered walls of the class room is a realm to which constant practice is a necessity, if only to grasp at the edges of mastering how to live well.

Life is Awesome

I once thought life was difficult. I once SAW life as difficult. Yet around me were people who always expressed so much joy and fun in life that simply left me startling. Then I realized the notion that life is difficult was passed onto me unconsciously by my parents who though meant well, left that impression in me that life is indeed difficult through their tough struggle to make ends meet.

So I re-defined my meaning of life, and I have always FOUND a reason to smile ever since.

You see, life happens. This happening is in itself neutral. Good, Bad, Wonderful, lol, Awesome, Awful, Disastrous, WOW, OMG, wtf, Sad, Angry, Cheerful, Kind etc are all interpretations that people make of it. So at the end of the day, it’s a matter of what perspective one chooses to settle with.

So all experiences in life can be all things, ranging from Awesome to Aweful. Sometimes, we are simply blind enough not to see the better interpretation of the happening, so we settle with the poor one. Wanna know what my days are like?

Like those of a kindergarden child, Full of energy and joy, even when there is no reason to support the same from the external. So when my best friend asked me how I was doing one morning, I told him, ” Awesome”. Then he asked. “What’s your definition of awesome”.

I answered, “Feeling good no matter what”.Period.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

CLOSING CYCLE (PAOLO COEHLO)

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will befinishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return:
we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered,
your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,
work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:
tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.

Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

crossroad

At this particular moment I found myself standing at the crossroad.....

Not sure about the next step, not sure who to seek guidance, not sure if anyone can really guide me, not sure if i just want to wait for a divine voice to enlighten my soul.

Sometime I just want to leave everything i am doing and head out to explore some unknown territories and these other times I wonder if i will be able to find something worthwhile ever.

May be now is the time to re-evaluate and replan my life....

i know, i have to take a plunge and make a decision for my life, whatever path I am gonna take, might just be totally unknown to me and it might plainly be scary to get out of my bubble of comfort.. But this is a risk , I am willing to take.

(Lord please take full control of my life, i know I'll never go astray because you're my guide...)

Thank you guys!!

hello guys!!!

I need not say much, for I believe that what we had gone through during our PGIship speaks of that "BOND" we have as friends. PGIship will not be fun as this if we're not one in it!! thank you guys!

I will not forget those happy moments we have--Dinugsing time and tinawa time sa dorm, parties, and lagaw diri- lagaw didto after receiving our medicare share...hahaha...our cramming times when reporting is near, we may little fights and arguments but I believe it was all worth it. I have no regrets or whatsoever in sharing my life with you all...hehehehe...

Sige ah, I wish you well in all your endeavors and lets try harder in order to make it.

How time flies so fast!! Daw sang san-o lg ta nagstart PGIship and now we're finally entering the real world of medicine...this is another facet of life that we need to face...MOVING ON...and ON...and ON...for the better and for the best of course!!!

By HIS GRACE we have made it and for HIS greater GLORY let's do it...!

Check out my Slide Show!

it is madness....

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Swept Away

FAITHFUL WAIT

We are taught to seek, ceaselessly, until we find an answer.

But while we continually seek, we force our life into little boxes that it was not intended to fit- all because we need a solution to our questions.

At times, life and its relevant uncertainties are there for a reason. Maybe they are a holding place, and maybe they are meant to test the strength with which we trudge through life.

Regardless, timing is everything.

What I have learned today I did not have the ability to learn last week, or even last night- because life is a series of preceding events. It is a game of chase; a giant Lego’s display that needed the bottom pieces to reach further toward the sky. A game of Jenga.

If those that I have had the privilege of coming to love this past year had entered my life three months prior, we would not have been friends. Nor acquaintances.

Someone once told a person that life had to have answers and that plans were essential for proper functioning- I would venture to guess that that individual did not lead the life they were meant to live. Nor did they experience happiest in its truest form. Essentially, they failed to live.

The best moments in this world are obtained by releasing the reigns and trusting in a higher power to drive us to where we need to be.

Learning to let go does not mean neglecting life as it is and failing to pursue hopes and dreams- it means waiting faithfully.

Faithful wait.

"Paradox of Our Time"

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.”

Prayer

I Say a Prayer for you today,

That you might be a star one day,
That your wishes may be fulfilled
And that all your dreams may come true some day.

Some people don’t believe in prayers
Oh! its just a notion they say,
They don’t understand the power of it
But believe me, I am putting my soul into it.

I know that God’s busy nowadays,
Tending to every persons needs, night and day;
But I know one thing for sure my friend,
He’ll listen to the prayers I say.
“Why?” I hear you say.
Well ,coz Its for someone very special,and that’s you I say.

There may be times when you feel lonely ,
And you might have none around,
You might think alls deserted ,
But hey ,I ‘ll be still around.

I say a prayer for you today ,
That happiness engulfs you every day;
That you be granted the fruits of life and
That you live this beautiful life every day.

Things I must learn to live:

1. Rely on yourself & no one else. At least you only hav one person responsible to & answerable for.

2. Prioritize your family. You can nver replace them.

3. Be responsible. Learn to stand alone, (quite hard but i know i can do it).

4. Forget the past, you have the present to face..
5. Stand firm! They may hurt your feelings but never let them break you.

6. Never mind what others say about you. You know yourself more than they do.

7. Accept changes! There's no such thing in life that is constant, except change.

8. Dont torture yourself on things you have done. Move on and learn from it.

9. Always check your priorities in life.

10. Live life as if it's your last.

My 1st spinal anesthesia

Just a product of being bored, so i decided to blog...
Dec. 18, 2007: my 1st lumbar puncture..twas a successful one..haha..more LPs to go!

At last, im already done...well, i guess...im back to the "old" me...i mean, not on an autistic mode..hahaha! i thought it was impossible to finish my work on the date that i had set...why did i think it was impossible? Well, i never really like hematology in the first place. Unluckily, the topic that i'll be reporting was about AML, haha...it was really a hema thing. At first, doing that thing was really a punishment for me. Anyways, as what everyone had said, everything happened for a purpose. It had made me more patient and determined. One thing had just entered my mind, "if others can do it, why cant I?" Defy the Impossible!

There's no such thing as constant except for change...
But it so sad sometimes that these changes that are happening to our lives are the one that causes pain..sometimes we can easily cope, but there are also times that we wished thing havent change..coz those things that were already part of our life, had somewhat made us whole...and it's hard to let it go..
Life is like that, things just come and go, they touch our lives, leave marks on our hearts, make us realize our worth, and make us feel complete..

What keeps me going?

Feelin' so bored and depressed these past few days...i dont know if it's hormonal imbalance or it's PMS.. I've been searching for the answer to my question..what keeps me going? Im 100% sure of my choice and that's to become an MD..no question with that..
But lately, im beginning to ask myself..what keeps me going? What if this is not the kind of life that i wanted?
....what really keeps me going? For now its my family, my dream, and maybe because im in a point of no return..

just make the right choice!!

Its a human nature that we always follow what makes us feel GOOD. What we dont realize is that some things that pleases us can hurt other people. So though it is painful, I would rather follow and choose what is humane. I would rather be RIGHT. Because as long as I go after what is right, I know that I am not compromising other people.