NIGHTMARE!!!

just 1 bottle of beer...then another 1...wooohhh...until everyone was a little bit drunk...well, for some just for the sake of enjoyment but for me it was some kind of escaping from what i've been thinking for the past weeks...

there's one thing that always comes into my mind...what if it will happen again? i was sitting on our sofa, having a nap, i was from duty then when my mom told me about her decision of being separated...that was the most painful moment i ever had...everything suddenly comes rushing into my mind...am i prepared of this life? of course not! coz i never imagined living a life...a broken one! after hearing what she said to us, i cant help myself, i just stood up and went inside the room and cry (i really hate crying in front of them and i'm not used to it)...NIGHTMARE!!!
it was really hard to act normally as if nothing had happened especially when you have no one to tell your heartaches...i told myself that everything will be fine...i know it will...but it was really hard! my body was so drained physically because of duty plus emotionally i was really drained... all i can do is just pray and pray, begging Him to give me strength...I should be strong for the sake of my family....
my father didnt went home for about 3 weeks...i havent seen him that long, last year...very frustrating and depressing christmas....just another escape from reality, i was spending christmas at the hospital, status? on duty...
for that past days, life was so dragging! at last i found him....i was never used of confronting or having some heart to heart talks, but i have no choice..i should have to talk to my dad...my heart was so full of anger then, but i cant let it show...he's my dad anyway...
if there was one gift i had received from God...it was the day when my father went home...though it really takes time for healing, i hope and i pray that the time will come that i'll forget what had happened...i really thank God for bringing my family back!

i dont know why it keeps entering into my mind...TRAUMA???